I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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