If i come over, it means nothing
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
