every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
