Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
