I cannot find my penis.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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