That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
