Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
