This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
