he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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