I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
