he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my poor anus
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
