just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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