I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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