I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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