Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
