I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
