he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
