We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
