I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
