He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
