Porn is love you can see.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
