And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
