walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
