I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
