Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
