Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
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I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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