Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pants are for mortals
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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