Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
