i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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