turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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