WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
