so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Farmville is her only friend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
