he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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