I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
