and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
