just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
