I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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