FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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