u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
