i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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