Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
