but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
