Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
