I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
