I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
