she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
