Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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