So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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