watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
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btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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