i was born a porn star she said
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
