I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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