He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
