Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
