Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
