YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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