Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
