And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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