Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
