dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
