so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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