If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
