Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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