so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
