I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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