OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
