Please, let me fuck your mom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
