She is in my trunk
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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