I look better un-naked...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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