My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Come share oat with me in your robe
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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