I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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